Saturday, January 19, 2013

my new years post (a little late)

I read an awesome article the other day that made me sit and ponder life.  Well, two articles actually.  I've been doing a lot of reflecting and re-engineering on my life in the past few months, but as reading goes, these two felt the most poignant.  And of course, as the late great Winston Churchill said "the farther back you look, the farther forward you are likely to see."


One on blog puberty and the other about how a woman looks at work at 40.  So with that, I bare some soul here.

It comes as no surprise that I do this blog and our interior design business as a hobby.  A deeply fulfilling creative outlet for the artistically deprived.  I would love (and I mean love) to do it full-time  but since we are only a year in, we can't afford to keep our households running on just our design salary alone.  I mean bulldogs gotta eat and stuff.  But that is the ultimate plan.  And a wonderful dream to have, to think about being a full-time, successful, true blue interior designer (but with an in-style hairdo... I really hope).  Until now, it's felt more like a bit like a pipe dream.  Mom has already been there and done that, as a successful interior designer for 13 plus years.  Only now she's starting over with her kid in tow and looking at the world from 20 more years under her belt.  We are loving every minute of it and we hope, beyond hope, to make enough money at it that we can feed our pet-a-pet farm on our design salaries.

But I work a nine to fiver just like most people.  I am incredibly fortunate because I get to do it from my home.  And I am good at what I do.  I earn a terrific salary and get to let my dogs in and out all day long (oh, and read design blogs without a worry that my boss is standing over my shoulder).  But it's not without some downsides.  I work remote which means I live in fear of being blindsided.  Heads rolling at the office and I have no heads-up, pun intended.  I also worry that I'm selling out.  I do this to eat and to feed my dogs and to pay for our home and vehicles.  But cybersecurity software in no way, shape or form feeds my soul.

What does though is a long list of things I am still fortunate to have in my life, however attention-starved they may be.  Horses.  Dogs.  Family.  Design.  Writing.  Creating.

I often regret not taking the hardwork I put in as an undergrad in Biology and Chemistry to the next level and becoming a veterinarian or a doctor.  I think I grew up thinking doctors and lawyers were the only honorable career choices.  But, I didn't think I could shoulder the responsibility at the end of the day.  I did it all day long as a vet tech during college, but I ultimately got to duck out of the 'it's time' conversation.  I wish my 30 year old self could have contacted my 20 year old self to tell her that she could do it.  But.  I also know that I wanted to earn more than a veterinarian did.  So sales it was.  And sales it is.  Did you know technology sales executives are among the highest paid salaries in the US?  I'm not one of those.  But, I chose my profession based on earning potential.  I didn't consider I might not feel totally fulfilled down the (ever increasingly short) road.

I've also come to the stark realization that I've been camped out, hiding, in my life for the past two years.  My husband has some serious, life changing illnesses, and I was fortunate enough to be in a place to be able to take care of him when I needed to.  I need to be home.  But I have taken solace and camouflage in working from home.  I let myself go.  And I stopped pushing myself so hard. I was keeping my life small out of fear.  Fear that life is short.  But it's time - no more hiding out.

I am deciding to work towards financial freedom.  To lower my personal operating costs and not be so frivolous, so that I can afford to make some changes when I'm ready.  Whether it's going out to do design full time or going back to school for a design degree, it's time to prepare.  To rid myself of debts and to exercise caution in preparation for slimmer times.  It's also time to admit that I need to shed some pounds.  There's a reason why I don't post pictures of myself.  There's a reason why I shy away from the camera.  The reality that my weight is controlling me if really hard to swallow.  And I plan to tell 'it' to take a long walk off a short pier.

Thanks for tuning in.  I don't like to talk about my 9-5 because I like to pretend I'm a designer and a designer only.  But I'm not.  And I like to say that being 30 is no different.  But looking back through my posts, it sure comes up a lot in terms of affecting change in my tastes and preferences and it's time to starting really showing 30 who's boss.  Not 'it', me.

-Bethany


14 comments:

  1. Bethany, your post was so honest and real. I always find it fascinating to read about the choices people make and how they get to where they are in life. We all have our own unique journeys that make us the people we are and it is helpful to reflect on that every now and then. Before I had children, I worked in a financial job - for the money and not for the fulfillment. I always knew in my heart that it was not what I wanted to do with my life. Luckily, I have been able to stay home with my kids and pursue hobbies to get a feel for what I enjoy. Good luck on your journey and I hope your dream of designing full time becomes a reality!
    -Shelley

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  2. thank you so much for your honesty and inspiration. i know many of us will understand what you are going through and I think it is great you are truly looking at where you want your life to go! but go easy on yourself, 30 is young and you've achieved a lot. I wish I had thought about the future more at 30, but I'm not giving up either! wishing you the best as you make these important life decisions. you can do it!

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  3. Bethany, It feels pretty good to pursue your passion and live without debt. You are ahead of me. I didn't get there until my early forties. I hope you can get to the place you want to be this year.

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  4. Thanks for sharing so candidly Bethany. I believe that half the battle of change is the difficult process of taking stock, which you have done so honestly. The next part is hard as well because it requires perseverance. With the goal in sight, and the cheerleaders (family, friend, even blog friends) in place, I know you can achieve your dreams, you have already accomplished a lot!

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  5. Sounds like you are on the right track Bethany. You seem to have learned a lot about life for such a young age...good for you for recognizing what's really important. All the best to you in the new year for reaching your goals! Cheers!

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  6. Just writing that post must make you feel 10 lbs lighter. I love that you just laid it all out there and I hope to be able to cheer you on throughout this year! I finally get why people always say your 30's are the best- I wouldn't go back to my 20's if you paid me!

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  7. I love what you wrote. Tobi tells us to write our dreams down if we want them to come true and you did it! I must tell you that you do not need to return to design school, just keep designing. I went back to design school but lots of people don't. On the job training is the best way to get good quick. Just look at Meredith Herron. She worked at Lowes or Home Depot or something similar in the paint department. I loved this post. It was real and honest! I feel like I know you better! You will do this!

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  8. Good for you ... go for it.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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  9. Bethany, I loved this post. Your honesty is so refreshing. I feel like I'm in a similar place re: decorating (but at a different age as I'm staring down 40 right now), but I stopped "working" almost 11 years ago when my daughter was born. So, after having a blog for three years, I'm slowly taking the plunge. My problem is confidence and actually getting clients. I wish I could parlay my passion/hobby into a real job. I'm going to keep plugging away, and your determination has been inspiring to me.

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  10. Way to go, Bethany! What a major first step putting the commitment out there. I am behind you Cutie ... do it ... and I will do some of it with you!! I was in the hotel business for 20 years ... Design was ALWAYS my passion. But I couldn't leave my job then either. Fortunately I reached a point to start my business (I was 44!!) I didn't go to school for it and I sometimes let that hold me back - total insecurity! But then, I finish a job and my clients are thrilled and call me back for more! So I suck up all that insecure stuff and do it again, and each time gets better! I am still learning, and hope I learn for many more years! I also know with that sweet Mom of yours, you have a fantastic cheering squad sticking by you every minute!!!! xoxo

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  11. An honest, real, and beautiful post from a gem of a person, Bethany.
    Camille

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  12. Love this post, Bethany!! My general feeling in the world is that 2012 was about introspection and learning and 2013 is about action. So work on those dreams!! Baby steps, Baby. I remember when I joined my dad's company in 2004 and I dreamed of the day people would hire me to decorate. I took like 5 years of hard work and there were times I was so friggin impatient, but it makes the payoff even more worth it. xoxo Naomi

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  13. Thank you for your inspiring, real, honest post. Congratulations for going forward with your dreams! You can do it!
    Thank you again for being real with us, I can relate to not being where I wish I was.

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  14. Thank you for your inspiring, real, honest post. Congratulations for going forward with your dreams! You can do it!
    Thank you again for being real with us, I can relate to not being where I wish I was.

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